So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
