how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
