y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
