Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
