Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
