Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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