I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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