hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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