She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
two words...techno handjob
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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