You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
