If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
