I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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