She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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