He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
