I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
