I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
