i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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