id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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