He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
