but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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