but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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