Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Found your dick twin last night
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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