Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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