I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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