I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
