Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
