I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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