Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Your cock deserves a montage
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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