when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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