Moan for me like Helen Keller
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
