Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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