upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Four minutes until I can fart!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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