He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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