Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
