3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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