??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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