help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
