there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
