it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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