More tranny stories later!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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