I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
