we need to drink 2009 down the drain
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
