dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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