Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
