She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
