so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
