Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Houston, we have a squirter
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
