You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
