After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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