Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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